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Spending money to avoid conflict or gain social acceptance can ruin your finances. A little self-reflection and perks can help make a difference.
By Juli Fraga and Connie Chang
Hailey Magee often paid for drinks when she went out with friends, bought loved ones expensive dinners and picked up the tab on dates. During the holiday season, Ms. Magee purchased lavish gifts, even when she was on a tight budget.
“I felt overwhelmed and stressed,” she said.
Ms Magee, 31, a qualified life coach from Stop People Pleasing: And Find Your Power, said she felt a “compulsion to pay for things”.
While others benefited from Mrs. Magee’s generosity, it caused her monetary hardship. Magee, who lives in Seattle, would make sacrifices on his own expenses, such as putting off purchasing a new dining table or a full set of dishes. She also underestimated clients for her training services.
“I abandoned myself,” he says.
Behavior like this is a classic example of “people pleasing.” And when it comes to your finances, it can show up in various ways. Perhaps you tip generously, lend others money or buy your children expensive clothes when you can’t afford to. And while being a “yes” person may be seen as kindness, it often “comes at a cost,” said Alex Melkumian, a psychologist in Los Angeles.
Magee said he spent thousands of dollars on others and left less for his savings and retirement accounts.
Corie Lowden, host of “The People Pleaser Podcast,” has a habit of trying to make others happy — even when it hurts her financial health. Ms. Lowden said she had once paid $80 for a bouquet of balloons for her grandfather’s birthday. When it was time to pay, she learned that helium would cost extra, but she spent the money anyway.
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